snuffleupagoth: (pansy)
Canadian penny in my hand
Canadian man in my heart
today, tomorrow, yesterday to start.
Canadian man in my heart
Canadian penny in my hand
snuffleupagoth: (pansy)
i need to stop second guessing myself.
i need to stop wondering if i made the right decision.
someday i won't be a bother to anyone and things will
be better then.
snuffleupagoth: (pansy)
figured i would do this now, as tomorrow i won't
be around a computer much.

so far this trip has been ok. with Christmas done
tomorrow, it will be time to relax, enjoy my birthday
and then enjoy New Years!

today is the finish up things and baking. part of the
family tonight and the better part of the family tomorrow.
i look forward to both, but mostly tomorrow. i get to
see all my favs tomorrow =)

anyways...

i hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Years.
may this next year bring all of us brighter times, better
laughs and lots of good lovin'. <3
snuffleupagoth: (pansy)
this year is actually going to be a good one.
not that others haven't been good, but this
is the first that Marc and i get to spend
together. our first since we have been together
and our first as husband and wife. first time
we will be each others New Year's kiss even.
i know that seems odd to some people, but this
is the road this life has taken us down.
Friday i hop on a plane to Brampton, ON
and i will return mid January. my longest trip
and second most special, the wedding being #1.

it's awesome that his mom and sister love Christmas
as much as i do, will make it easier i think. not
that his family is hard to get along with, just
holidays always put extra stress on people.
there is also the added bonus of getting to give
gifts as a couple. it's one of those moments
that makes you feel more oneness with someone
i think. i dunno, maybe it is just me.

i will try to remember to update while there.
gotta keep my memories somewhere.

i hope your holidays are bright and beautiful. <3

Choice

Oct. 16th, 2012 11:10 pm
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
as a woman, choice is important to me.
i should be the one deciding what happens
or doesn't happen to my body. not some
other person.

i should not be forced to live a life
based on someone else's beliefs or
religion. i should have the choice
to take birth control if i want,
have an abortion if it is what is
right for me and believe (or not)
in any god i choose. the options
should be there for all of us.

if you don't want birth control,
you have the choice not to take
it. you have the choice to have
a religion if you so choose.

all i am asking is for other women
to have some common sense and respect
for themselves and the coming generations
of girls. don't shuffle us back decades.
women have come to far and fought to
long to have choices.

when you vote, you are not voting for
just yourself... you are voting for all of us.
i am voting so we all still have choices.
Obama 2012!
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
Marc and I celebrated 6 years last week.
hard to wrap my head around that... even
though we are married now. it sucks being
away from him. have been in off mode for
2 weeks now. i don't like feeling depressed
like this and it usually isn't this bad.
everything's different this time around though.
Christmas can't get here soon enough.

appointment with the neuro this week. phone
calls to get the meds sent, a visit to dshs
which is always just a joy *eye roll* and
a visit to social security for copies of
my award letter... one for the meds and one
for the lawyer in Canada. then there is the
changing of the last name. i have the marriage
certificate so it should be that difficult to
get everything changed over, just somethings
they are gonna charge me for. license and passport.

let's see... anything else worth making note of..
brain says no.

hope you all are doing well and ya know, you
should post once in awhile.
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
As of Saturday August 25, 2012 i am now a married woman.
had an amazing wedding that was way more than i expected
thanks to Marc's mom and sister. about 50 people in the
back yard of his mom's. white tulle with black tulle bows
draped the fence.. his niece, Caelyn, was our flower girl,
niece Jamie maid of honor and sister, Aileen was the matron
of honor. my mom walked me down the isle, she was my only guest.
(it being in Canada, i knew no one could make it and i am ok with that)
of course she started crying not even half way down and that
made me start crying. started laughing and told her to stop
it.. she told me to stop it. pffft. thankfully it was a short
walk and i was soon holding Marc's hands. our minister was great.
seems our make-up artist, who knows Marc's family, had suggested
and didn't know that his mom had already found and hired her.
so when the Minister walked in it was a nice little reunion and
"oh this is who i was talking about" and everything.

so anyways.. get up there, did our vows...

I (name), take you (name) to be my (husband/wife), my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

it's a wonderful sensation reciting those vows ans having
the world fall away and it is just the two of us. there was
nothing but his beautiful face and smile. just awesome.

a week before the wedding the forecast called for mild
and 73 degrees... we got full sunshine and 90+. to say
i was melting and everyone else was too, is an understatement.
we headed to a park for pictures. lots of flowers an
greenery and an awesome wooden bridge. Marc's cousin Tori
took the photos.. 1400 throughout the whole wedding, and
they turned out very beautiful. she has posted a few and
flipped a few in black and white... just amazing. she got
a few of my mom and i that are truly precious. and of course
the ones of me and Marc that i have seen are wonderful.

reception was beautiful. dark purple and teal blue linens
with a three piece vase set for center pieces. the two small
vases had clear and teal glass stones, the single tall vase
clear and dark purple and black glass stones w/ a large dark
purple flower and two really sparklie butterflies one silver
and one teal. they were very pretty. and then we said.. let
there be drinking and it was so! ok there was food served
before the major drinking and laughs with the family and friends.
roast beef, chicken, roasted potatoes, green beans and carrots, rolls,
salad, naniamo(?) bars for the dessert and of course the wedding cake.
lemon top (that is now in the freezer) and a bottom of key-lime cake.
can we just say it was really fucking yummeh. mmmmm. and then the
drinking and talking and laughing and making jokes. yeah a very,
very fun reception.

i head back to Seattle on the 11th. really going to be hard
to leave my new husband, but i know that if i do the sooner
i can move up here. hopefully 6-8 months tops and i will be
back up here for Christmas/bday/New Years. can't wait!

so there you go.. the just of the wedding day.

now it is time for sleeping.

always,
Mrs. Worsnop
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
i leave tomorrow morning at 6am for Buffalo, NY and
then a short drive across the border and to Brampton, ON
and my better half.

Marc's family has taken care of everything on that side.
they are truly a wonderful group of people that i am thankful
i get to call family. since he is the last kid to get
married, they had no issues with knowing what was needed
and what needed to be done. though, i would have been
just as happy going to the justice of the peace... the
government has their own wants.

i am all set on my end. packed up and ready to go.
just waiting on mom to get here stuff together. hopefully
she can put a Christmas item in her bag for Marc's Mom.
it's an awesome Santa.

so after the 25th it will be the long 6 month wait for
papers to move up there. we've waited 6 years, so whats
another 6 months, right? well you never know when the
government or the world will implode up themselves
and leave me on the wrong side. i know, i should be
in a more positive frame of mind... but Murphy always
has a way of fucking things up.

i am trying my best to stay on an even keel and i think
i have done ok so far. no ones bloodied or lying in a ditch.
the only person to work my last nerve is Mom. she is a
procrastinator in the worst possible way. she still has
to pack and we leave for the airport in 10 hours. mmhmm
last nerve.

figured i'd vent here before i unloaded on the wrong person.

29 days...

Jul. 27th, 2012 10:46 pm
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
that is all the time left between now and the wedding.
i so can't wait. i have everything i need except for
the hair comb to hold the cage veil. hope i can find
something suitable soon.

Marc's mom and sister have been soooo awesome. they
have almost everything planned and done on the Canadian
side. i hope i am able to pay them back someday.
i feel so lucky to have the chance to be a part of
his family. they are amazing people. and while
my one and only guest will be my mom, i get to meet
the rest of my new family. i have met about a quarter
of the extended family already and of course they
are nifty too.

health wise i am doing good. had a new MRI last month
and it showed that there are no new lesions and that
the old ones are less active. i am only taking the
Gilenya now. the doc and i both thought it was pointless
for me to keep taking the gabapentin, keppra, trazadone
or tramadol since none of them helped my hands feel
any better. he did sign off on me getting my green card
though. so after all the wedding stuff is done and i am
back state side in mid September i will be looking for
a dispencary somewhat close to me. there are none in Kent
seeing as how the city council decided to follow federal
law and not state. ah well.

hopefully by this time next year i will be living in
Canada and working on a baby bump. keep your fingers
crossed!
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
that even though you have explained something to the same people
at least 3-4 times, they just aren't listening to you?

my daily life.

listen and reading skills people. fucking use them.
pay attention. >.< ...
snuffleupagoth: (Snuff)
i has it! lawyer's office just called to let me know the judge
cancelled the hearing tomorrow. i should be receiving benefits
in 4-6 weeks and a confirmation letter on his ruling in a week
or so.

all i can say is i am so relieved. took almost 2 years.. that's
almost 2 years of extra stress on my mom, me and the
rest of my family. i will be able to pay mom back part of
what i owe her and get my credit back on track. i have
roughly 6 months to fix it before i move.

ok that is my good news for the day.

oh i did finally hear back from that old bff that walked out
of my life for no reason... apparently he walked out on
everyone from back home. eh, whatever. excuses are
like assholes...
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
so Feb. 1st we had to let Boze go. she was miserable and we
didn't want her to suffer anymore. when we said let's go, she jumped
righ off the couch and perked up all happy. she knew was going
to a better place to be pain free. it sucks not having her here.
still look before i sit to make sure i miss her feet or go to greet
Uncle Mike didn't let her kiss him much, but i would, she would
sit and lick my arms trying to make them and my hands better.
such a very good dog. i miss her terribly.

so on to other things...

this coming Wednesday i finally go to court to find out IF
i get disability. it has me stressed the fuck out. my sleep
schedule... either i sleep three hours and am up for 20+ or
i sleep for 12-14hrs. seriously this was ok in my 20's, but now
it just messes with everything. what it even better, all my meds
are supposed to help with sleep and help my hands feel better...
yeah not so much. need to call the doc this week and let him
know the meds no workie.

Marc and i are good. just celebrated 2 anniversaries. January
made it 14 years since we first "met" and February made it
6 years since my first trip up there. after Wednesdays decision,
we will be planning my next trip up there and start the planning
for the move to Buffalo. i so can't wait to see my family and
start planning my own.

so that's about it. this has taken an hour to type. fucking hands.

hope all is well with all of you who still read and stuff.

yep.

Feb. 10th, 2012 04:39 am
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5anLPw0Efmo&feature=colike

some days are just never ending...
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
so this wasn't the best year, nor was it the worst year.
most of it was filled with doctor appointments, a couple
hospital stays, new meds that work and the realization
that my hands are never going to be the same. the feel
asleep all the time. it gets so bad that they get really
clumsy and i drop stuff. this is sucktastic to say the least.
so this was the some of the bad for this year.

some of the good for this year...Marc and i have been in a
good place for most of the year. i finally realized that i
have no control over when or how things play out. so i stopped
stressing about the whens and hows and ironically enough things
have gotten so much easier between us. i even got to see him...
over Thanksgiving he came here! that's right he is finally
able to come to the states. he got to meet Anna and Aubree,
which was great. really wish some others would have been there
seeing as how for the last 5 years i have heard "when do we get
to meet him?" so many times from so many people. but i guess it
really wasn't important to them at all. oh well. he and i still
had a great time. visited Brandon and Bruce Lee's graves, Hendrix's
grave and both were really awesome. my family loves him, especially
Wyatt and Waylan. they stuck to him like glue. Waylan was even
in one of his giant shoes trying to walk, so adorable. we have decided
that i will go up there next. i miss my other family up there.
so safe to say this was the very best part of the year.

now for the bad and worst parts. i found out on of my really
good friends, Danelle Gallardo, passed away almost 2 years ago.
it seems it is not clear how yet, as it is still under investigation.
i was crushed and cried for hours. i had known her and been good
friends with her since the 4th grade. she was always open minded
with a free spirit. with her, what you saw was what you got.
a light and a force to be reckoned with. she is missed and
will always be missed by many. i love you Danelle, always.

i did say parts.. meaning two. so the other bad part, finding
out our rottie, Boze, has bone cancer. we just found out this
last week. she went in to the vet for what we thought was a bad
tooth, but no. the bone was spongie so the vet took a biopsy.
we got the results on the 26th. he said she has 2-6 months.
all we can do is spoil her and make her comfortable. she has
had a good long life. outliving all of her siblings. she is
11 and a half. even before now, she has been the reason for me
wanting to work with dogs. especially big dogs that get bad
reps because of bad people. of course i can't do this until
i get disability and get moved. but i am already looking into
places in Buffalo to help out at. so yeah, another loved one
being lost to a nasty disease. cancer is the dirtiest word
in any language.

so that was my year in a nutshell. this coming year will have
lots of change. i find out about disability in February. Marc
and i are already planning Christmas/bday/New Years for up there.
i am going to make sure i am up there before Dec. 21st. just to
be on the safe side that i am there with him if anything decides
to happen on a cataclysmic scale. =P

i hope this year is better for all of us. i hope it brings new
experiences, new friendships, enlightenment, laughter and so
much love that we all burst with happiness.

Happy New Year my friends. =)
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
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off-colored true-isms.

i am not p.c. in in any color. i make fun of myself just as much as
the next person. i like bad jokes of all flavors!
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
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i collect two things. though one collections hasn't been growing for almost
12 years due to friends being scared of it. that one would be clowns.

i love clowns. their faces painted in a variety of emotions. their
personality barely shining through. i've always wondered what may
lay deeper within, but never get the chance to find out. also, if
you think about it... clowns are just showing the mask they wear.
everyday we all wear a mask to keep people at some distance from
our true selves.

my second collection is skulls. no, not real ones. but since
i was about 13 i have always had shirts with them, look for
figurines of them, pick up odds and ends here and there.
i have a twin set of tattoo skulls and i desperatly want to
add a totem of skulls rising out of smoke drawn up by ghostly
native americans. this of course would be a back piece. will
be oh so awesome. =)
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
so yesterday i came to swedish me center for a spinal mri... thoracic and cevical.
this is the first time for thee thoracic. after that i went and saw the new neuro,
Dr. Reprovic. seems my spine has more than one lesion... he said it was well lit up.
he said more roids YAY! but admitted me to the hospital for treatment and 50 bazillion
tests. sofar 10 viles of blood, poked fingers for blood sugar 4 times a day, lumbar puncture
which took 6 viles of fluid i think... and who knows what else by the end of the week.
i'm here til Friday morning and already feel like an abused pin cushion. thankfully
the roids are workin and i have wifi here YAY!
iff'in you are in the Seattle are and want to come sees me, go see Robin's post on
my FB wall for where i am at. i don't look pretties and i might smell bqd,
but not Any worse than a night at the Merc =P

eta: chest x-ray...
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
you have to take a step back from your life and ask yourself
"is this all worth it?" and when the answer comes back "no"...
you find yourself looking for the smallest thing to make it
worth it. and when the smallest thing isn't to be found?
you wander around in the darkness, beating yourself up
for everything you have failed at. so you ask again, " is it
all worth it?" the answer still comes back "no".

will it ever be worth it? at this point in the game, no.
snuffleupagoth: (Default)
I have always struggled to wrap my head around just how the trickle down
Reaganomics work. for a long time i thought maybe I am just bad with math,
but I can balance my bank account just fine every month... so no. Here's my
take on how fucked up in the math Republicans really are.

Republicans want to give tax breaks to anyone wiping their ass with dollar bills.
Corporations, big oil, anyone who is willing to fuck up the planet a lot more,
people who have more money than they will ever spend in their lifetime...
i.e. Trump, Koch brothers and the like. They insist that because of the tax
breaks the wealthy will create jobs, thus helping the middle and lower class
pay the higher taxes they are imposing on them. The jobs surprisingly end
up over seas, the middle and lower classes start losing their jobs, losing their
homes and losing hope in the American dream. Not to mention the higher taxes
that the blue collars have to pay in order to keep them jobs over seas going.

It seems to me that people have forgot what caused the French Revolution,
the American Revolution and a bunch of other uprisings. Hello?!? Stop walking
on the backs of the blue collar classes. We have been taxed to death for the
last 12 years. We don't mind paying taxes as they afford us comforts like public
schools, public safety, public transportation... this stuff is all good and well worth
fighting for. We want what the Republicans preached before getting elected,
shared sacrifice. So, you know, up the taxes on the wealthy and corporations
because "Trickle Down Reaganomics" does not fucking work. President Clinton
proved this in his 8 years as Pres. He left us with a surplus... which G.W. Bush
blew through in a 2 year period while he cut all those Clinton tax hikes on the
wealthy and then ran our deficit into what it is now (Obama had very little to
do with this, excpet for extending Bush tax cuts... that's another rant).

What Republicans don't get... the more blue collar jobs they send over seas,
the less money is being spent here on their "goods", the less money they are
actually making on goods being sold. sure they might have cheap labor, shitty
work conditions... but in return they make more money to spend on themselves.
Rather than employing a community in their home state and helping their
fellow Americans, they continue to just help themselves. It doesn't matter that
they should have a moral obligation to help their communities or a sense of right
and wrong. As long as their coffers and bellies are brimming and full, they will
continue to tax rape the blue collars as long as we allow them to. Eventually
their coffers won't be as full when we can't buy the goods because we don't have money
because we don't have jobs because they sent the jobs over seas.
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